A Confession

I identify completely with your comments about relating to other people, though your statement about being an asshole seems odd. But then, I've missed your calls.... I am also finding it difficult to maintain a balance with people, and not just because I've embarked on a new relationship, though that has certainly affected my time with others. My awareness of life is very contradictory these days, and it has been difficult for me to reach out to the people who are willing to listen, like my friends and family. In my daily life, as I walk down the street, I find I am both compassionate and embittered about other people. I feel strangly alienated and anonimous, then I suddenly realize we are all in this world together and our human connections become apparent. It's really very bittersweeet. But actually, I've beeen isolating myself because I got caught in the green escapism again. Now, I don't think it's really bad to smoke, but it's non-productive to develop an obsession like I have/had. I used it to forget my anxieties about myself -my greatest fear is that I'll never live up to my own expectations- and I used it to fall into the world of the pleasurable body and to imagine I am more of myself (grander) than I am in reality.

Escape, but don't forget to come back again, I tell myself.

What's life in a tent like?