asshole-ish

i am a selfish little bugger and i am a huge asshole sometimes. I do not live my words. I have difficulty with uncertainty and it plays such a big part in my life. I want to live a simple life and i complicate it with unnecessary obstacles to joy. I want to be able to content myself with simple work. I want to be uncomplaining and undaunted in the face of that work. I wnat solitude because i am not very good with people these days. I seem to either go over board with affection and interested or to withdraw extremely. i need to find a balance which seeks to maintain honest connections with people.